Oh Chocolate, Why Doth Thy Hate Me So?

That sweet little morsel of pleasure, so sweet, so pleasurable. Made from amber waves of chocolate. Created with my hearts desire in mind. Small kisses if I'm feeling conscientious (although I usually eat 15 thus rendering the size moot in the first place). King size bars if I feel like a cheat day.......almost every day. I try to resist your wiles but you keep pulling me in with your sweet promises of pleasure and life everlasting. I have, however, begun to notice a trend in my daily pursuit of happiness. The size of my ASS is getting bigger. I walk everyday so that I can enjoy one of your tiny little morsels. Then I do some narly cardio so that I can work off the chocolate bar I ate for lunch. Nothing is working. I try to switch over to chocolate flavored diet shakes and snack bars, but they LIE! This is not quality chocolate, you lie, you impostor, you cheat! Who do you think you are Chocolate!? You don't get to have a monopoly on all the desirable chocolate! Cut some of us fat girls a break and provide us with some HEALTHY non-fat chocolate that actually tastes good! You wanna go!?!?! Come on, I'll meet you outside! Let's settle this you back-stabbing ass plumper!

Okay, I'm sorry. That last one was uncalled for........but why do you hate me so? I love you! No really, you don't understand....I LOOOOVVVEEE you!