Speci@l K is for Champions!

Why do I not know how to spell, you ask? Because I do not want some random person typing in a g**gle search for Speci@l K (see a pattern here), and stumbling across my random rantings and deciding to call the authorities............
So onto my original topic, I LOVE this cereal. It actually tastes really good. The nutritional value is what prompted me to buy this in the first place, that and the commercial. It claims you can lose weight by doing the Speci@l K diet. Frankly, I'm desperate. I know, I know. Ollie is not even 2 months old but it's a cruel, cruel world people! And I'm fat. Okay, chubbie. Alright! A tire would be a better description of my middle. Can I at least call it a bicycle tire? It's smaller. But I digress! This cereal is yummy. So I pulled out my favorite cereal bowl this morning and measured 1 serving........which is equal to 1 cup. I mean 1 cup is a lot right? WRONG! It looks like dried up leaves at the bottom of an old wishing well. It's so low, I can barely distinguish ridges on the flakes, hell I can't even see individual flakes. So I figure at 120 calories per serving, I can afford 1 more cup. So I measure and pour. It's getting better. I figure if I leave out the milk, I should be able to add 1 more cup. It was still a little low but I figure I was probably eating about 6 cups of fruit loops before. So at this rate, I should see weight loss in about a year. Or I could just get a smaller bowl.........

Oh Chocolate, Why Doth Thy Hate Me So?

That sweet little morsel of pleasure, so sweet, so pleasurable. Made from amber waves of chocolate. Created with my hearts desire in mind. Small kisses if I'm feeling conscientious (although I usually eat 15 thus rendering the size moot in the first place). King size bars if I feel like a cheat day.......almost every day. I try to resist your wiles but you keep pulling me in with your sweet promises of pleasure and life everlasting. I have, however, begun to notice a trend in my daily pursuit of happiness. The size of my ASS is getting bigger. I walk everyday so that I can enjoy one of your tiny little morsels. Then I do some narly cardio so that I can work off the chocolate bar I ate for lunch. Nothing is working. I try to switch over to chocolate flavored diet shakes and snack bars, but they LIE! This is not quality chocolate, you lie, you impostor, you cheat! Who do you think you are Chocolate!? You don't get to have a monopoly on all the desirable chocolate! Cut some of us fat girls a break and provide us with some HEALTHY non-fat chocolate that actually tastes good! You wanna go!?!?! Come on, I'll meet you outside! Let's settle this you back-stabbing ass plumper!

Okay, I'm sorry. That last one was uncalled for........but why do you hate me so? I love you! No really, you don't understand....I LOOOOVVVEEE you!

You don't say goodbye....

How do you stop yourself from becoming the emotional junkpile you are? When it's time to say goodbye to someone you love even though you REALLY don't want to, what do you do? I hate goodbyes. I remember when I moved from my childhood home, halfway across the WORLD (okay 4 hours away) I was devastated! It was horrible. I cried and cried and hated my mom for ruining my life. She really did. I was about to start the highlight of my life.....High School. Do you know how it feels to be the new kid in HIGH SCHOOL!?!?!? Ruined! So I ask you this my friend, why would you want to put me through that again? Do you not love me back? Am I not important enough for you? (I realize that I am the center of your world as well as everyone elses, I understand my self worth.) You are going to be miserable without me. And while I realize that my e-mails and witty comebacks will continue to amuse you and brighten your life, your seriously going to miss the effect my sunshine has on your soul (but it is only effective in person....). So I say this with much seriousness and bravado....PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!!!!!!!! If you choose to ignore my wise advice (and I worry my little turtle that you will) then I cannot say goodbye. I will bite my lip to help stop the quiver I feel beginning to betray me. I will ignore the twitch I have developed in my left butt cheek. I am utterly sad, only because I know how much you are going to miss me and I am anticipating the raw emotions you will suffer. Be strong! And please don't say goodbye..........